It’s been a while. Over a month. I couldn’t even remember my login to WordPress. I have been meaning to write…but the words wouldn’t come. And I couldn’t figure out why. I couldn’t figure out why, suddenly, I had nothing to say? And then Carrie wrote her sweet, precious post last week and it hit me. Things were back to normal. True. It is a “new” normal but, none the less…”normal”. And I learned something about myself.
I can’t write without drama.
And things have been…well…drama free.
Routine. The Roberts are cooking their own meals. The kids are back in school. Carrie is busy with her role as a stay at home mom/nurse/nutritionist. They go to UGA games. They go to church. For the most part they are living a routine, drama free life. There really hasn’t been much to write about.
And I have to admit…
I like it.
I like it because drama free means my friend is well.
Last night…Carrie and I did our routine. It was Wednesday so that meant Chick Fil A for dinner and then the kids have choir while we just hang out and talk. And we actually talk about things other than…cancer. We picked our kids up after an hour and headed to our cars together.
And then my phone rang.
Our husbands know. If you can’t reach one of us on our own phone try the other’s.
“Get me Carrie now.”
I have to admit. I have settled into the new norm a little too well. If I had gotten that call two months ago I would have followed up with…”what’s wrong?” or “are you ok?” or “why…what’s going on?” I’m nosey like that. But instead…I gave my friend the you’re-in-trouble-for-something look and handed her the phone and I busied myself with the kids.
I have gotten so used to drama free it took a while to realize…something was wrong.
And just like that…things were no longer drama free.
My friend looked at me and mouthed…
“It went up.”
And my heart sank. Like yours is now. I knew from the look in her eye exactly what she was talking about.
And, just like that, the drama was back.
As Carrie walked away talking on the phone to Travis I stood there with all the kids in disbelief. Suddenly two strangers approached me and asked if I was with that lady and was everything ok?
How did they know??
I shook my head and just said, “no…everything is not ok.”
And these kind strangers said “go…be with her…we have the kids…we will go on the playground with them.”
And I did.
I went to my friend and hugged her. I hugged her as she sobbed and as she grieved and I looked in her eyes and saw…anguish.
I later found out that one of these kind women saw Carrie take the call and told her friend “did you see that? did you see her? I don’t know what is going on but that was the look I had when I got the call that my mom died.”
My poor friend. My poor precious friend. The fear. The pain. The uncertainty.
As much as you are feeling it now…imagine how exponentially she is feeling it.
What does this mean?!?!? Why couldn’t life just stay drama free?
At last check Travis’ CA19-9 was 3900. It is now up to 7200.
Dr. Hamrick has told them that, as the number got towards the bottom, it could start bouncing around. Up one week…down the next…up…down…up…down. But when I talked to Trav. When I reminded him of that. With desperation in his voice he just said “That’s not a bounce. A ‘bounce’ is four or five hundred. Something is wrong.”
We have seen God show up over and over and I don’t believe He is done with Trav yet. I believe He is just beginning.
It’s too soon.
So I just pray that Trav is wrong. That it IS a bounce. A lab error. Something. ANYTHING.
Anything but this drama. Because my precious friends deserve more than two months of being….