Tick Tock

Time is a funny thing.  It plays tricks on you.  When you want it to hurry up…it always drags.  When you want it to slow down…it seems to sprint.

It never seems to cooperate.

Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

No matter how hard we try.  No matter how hard we wish.  We cannot speed it up or slow it down. It’s always constant.

Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

There is a saying that goes “The days drag by but the years fly by.”  Nothing could be more true.

When you are waiting for the work day to end… A vacation to arrive… The treadmill to reach 30 minutes…

Time drags.

But when you are enjoying the weekend…  You’re finally on that dream vacation…  You’re walking down the aisle….

You blink.

And it’s over.

Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

But what happens when you’re sick?  What happens when your time has been given…

a limit.

Suddenly.  Time matters so much more.

Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

Every day Travis wakes up and faces the clock and wonders, “how much time do I have?”

On Wednesday, he received a call from a friend and when asked how he was he replied, “not good.”

“Why? What’s going on Trav?”

“Just writing birthday cards to my kids….”

As we wrote in Walking Two Lines, Travis hopes…believes in the miracle.  But as a leader he always covers his bases.

He always has a contingency plan.  That’s just how leaders operate.

And so he ensures his kids will have something from him on their special days.

Time doesn’t let us fast forward to allow Travis to know what he should write in Jake’s 16th birthday card.

To know what Trey will need to hear on his 21st birthday.

To give Piper advice on her wedding day regarding her soon to be husband. 

And so, he muddles through it.  Trying his hardest to ensure each card doesn’t sound the same as the last. Hoping he will read it with them on their special day and smile at his effort. And, of course, he always lets them know how much he loves them.

Up until the last few weeks there was no such thing as time going too slow for Travis.  When you don’t know how much time you have left you don’t seem to mind it going slow.

Ironically, none of us know how much time we have left. And yet we act as if we do.

Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

But in the past two weeks there has been some anxiety over time.  Travis has wanted time to speed up…for the first time in five months.

Why?

Because Travis is a fighter.  And the fighter has been told he has to take a break from fighting…and wait.

Wait. And do nothing.

Travis does not “do nothing”.

He has a disease…taking advantage of this timeeating away at his liver and doing what it can in the time it has.

One month. No chemo.  No treatment.  No fight.

For someone like Travis, this can be maddening.

And he still has sixteen more days to go.

Carrie and Travis will head to MD Anderson on October 17th. He will have testing on Friday the 18th and Monday the 21st and, at that point, it will be determined officially  if he can be in the trial.  The tests will be overnighted to Johns Hopkins, who is heading the study, and then the trial will begin the 23rd.

The 23rd.  That’s 16 more days until he can begin fighting this disease again. With medicine.  That’s 35 days of no medical treatment.

Travis will take a pill every day as a part of the trial.  No IV.  No Port.  Thankfully, mercifully, just a pill.  Every month they will travel to MD Anderson for blood work and every other month Travis will get a CT scan at MD Anderson.  As long as the treatment is working.

Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

No.  Time is not on Travis’ side right now.

But thankfully.

God is.

Thankfully, God is not constricted by the constraints of time. He is not controlled by time.  He created time.

And so, for the next 16 days, Travis cannot fight…with medicine.  But he can fight with something stronger.

Prayer. 

As the days drag on. As fears pop into his head about what the cancer is doing to his body. As time seems to stand still.

We can pray.

Pray that the cancer will not grow or spread.  Pray that God will provide miraculous healing.  Pray that the doctors will be bewildered.

Pray…for time.

Because, before we know it, October 23rd will be here.  Travis will start treatment.  And once again, staring at the clock, willing it to slow down.

And just give him more time.

Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

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17 responses to “Tick Tock

  • Laura West

    Dear Carrie and Travis,
    My name is Laura West. I live in Richmond, Virginia. Just wanted you to know that I am praying for you and your beautiful family. My husband was a lot like you Travis… an extremely positive, motivated, healthy, spiritual man. He was an extremely successful contractor with his own company. He was a fighter. He loved his wife and children. He loved life… KEEP FIGHTING. DO NOT GIVE UP. I will keep the prayers going for you and your family. KEEP THE FAITH.

    Laura

  • Anonymous

    I love you guys so much and pray for you every day!!!! XOXO Kel

  • mandi

    I don’t know you. Either one of you. My husband graduated from Wake Christian with Joe and I met him throughout their senior year. Your fight is on the front of my mind and I am praying so hard for Travis to be healed and for you Carrie to have the strength to take care of him and your family. I cannot even begin to fathom what you are experiencing but I want you to know that this stranger, far away in Willow Spring, NC, is praying with all that I have for all of you.

    • Travis

      Thank u so much. The prayer we are receiving from people we don’t know is unbelievable. Never stop praying for us. We believe in the miracle and I feel like it’s coming.

  • Sarah Kirkland

    Praying daily!!!

  • Debbie

    Beautifully written, praying these prayers with you all…

  • Jennifer Decker

    Praying for you each and every day!!!

  • Kelly Corrigan

    Travis – you are in my thoughts and prayers. My brother is going through the same thing (15 months, and still going strong). Sending you many prayers from Philadelphia.

  • Anonymous

    Praying for you. I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through, and I don’t mean to sound presumptuous, but – are you still feeling physically OK? If you are, (this may sound silly) then I would really try to look at this time as a vacation back to the life you knew before the diagnosis, or an “everybody has gone back to their corner to regroup” time, including the cancer. It is NOT gaining on you through this time of no treatment, instead, each side is holding it’s own right now, and maybe even you are gaining ground over the cancer. God can do anything, and no one should assume that right now, without treatment, you are getting worse. Of course, if you are feeling physically bad, this would be next to impossible to do, but so far your posts have indicated you still feel OK. Anyway, prayers and love for you and your family.

    • Travis

      I still feel great. It’s so weird but nothing. My ct shows it growing so I know it’s not a good thing but I hold on to how I’m feeling each day. Thank u for the prayers.

  • Karla Jakstadt

    Hi Carrie and Travis. We prayed for you and your family today in Moms in Prayer at ECS. Somehow I just found out about this trial that your sweet family is going through. While I do not understand why, I do know that God will never leave you.

    When you pass through the waters; I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. Isaiah 43:2-3

    Karla

  • Barbara Emberson

    Travis, my nephew was in Iraq, he was a Special Forces Green Beret. He was sick and by the time the Army sent him home he had 30 days to live. But he was also a fighter and never gave up. He was given a special gift from God, he saw the birth of his second daughter. His wife Heather has written a book, My Special Force by Heather Means. I was so happy to hear you are feeling great and you look great on game day. Go Dawgs! My familt continues to pray for you daily. I truly feel that at the onset had the Army sent Ryan home he might still be with us. Hang in there friend!

  • Anonymous

    Fighting for you with prayer during this waiting period.

  • The Beginning | picturemypoetry

    […] Tick Tock (concretefaith.org) […]

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