Faith To Trust

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This blog post is sort of a response to a post that my friend and fellow Cholangio wife wrote on her blog a few days ago. Her name is Dorien. She is in her young 40’s and her husband Kyle has Cholangio. They have 4 children. She wrote a nitty gritty down and dirty gutsy post about the feelings that we go through when walking this Cholangio walk. It was awesome and I totally felt everything that she wrote about.

Well, here’s the thing. As I’m reading the post out loud to Travis and my cousin Ali, we found ourselves having a good laugh. Even though the post was tough, we were laughing. In the post she wrote about our family. She said something like… The Roberts have more faith in their pinky fingers than we have in our whole bodies.

Yes, we laughed because it seemed so crazy to us that people on the outside think that of us. I replied to her and said that I was glad that we were their “faith” friends:).

The problem is that I actually don’t know what that means. The word FAITH has plagued me for months now. Faith in what? I hear it all of the time dealing with Travs cancer. People tell us that we have to have faith. People tell us that we need to have faith so that God is able to provide a miracle? We need to have enough faith… Enough belief… We need to say the right words… We need to confess the words that we speak that might show doubt???

Mercy me people it’s a whole lot of pressure. And I love the people who tell me these things. I truly appreciate that they want what is best for us. I’m not mocking or trying to start a debate. Please keep praying for us and loving us. I just want to share my feelings. We don’t believe these things. We don’t believe that God needs us to help Him provide a miracle. We just don’t!

Anyway, I was expressing some frustration on the topic with the ladies in my Bible study just a few weeks ago and something amazing happened. In a 20 minute conversation with the ladies whom I love so much I was given freedom from that word FAITH.

Don’t gasp! Don’t think that I have fallen off the deep end! I have not lost my faith in what I believe is important.

You see, I have faith in God. I have faith in Jesus. Believe me I have faith that the Holy Spirit lives inside of me because I could not go through this without that inner Spirit. I have faith that the Holy Spirit lives inside of Travis. People don’t make the changes that he has made so quickly and so consistently on their own. Did you see the photo above? This is the new Trav reading to his sons class:). This is the kind of stuff that he does all of the time now. Some people may think I sound crazy, but I have faith that a man named Jesus walked this earth and lived a perfect life. I have faith that He performed miracles. (In fact I just finished studying the book of John and the book is all about miracles. Many miracles that He performed despite the lack of faith in the humans that were around Him. If you don’t believe me just look at His Lazarus miracle. He performed the miracle of raising Lazarus from the dead even though, Mary who was requesting the miracle did not have faith.) I have faith that Jesus died on the cross for our sins and that He rose from the dead. I have faith in what I believe is important.

In that one conversation with the ladies I realized that I could be free from that word FAITH when it comes to Travis and Cholangio. I’m sorry, it scares me. It’s been over 7 months and when people tell us that if we lack faith we could basically be blocking Gods power it’s scary.

It is scary because we are human. And doubt creeps in all of the time.

We go to horrible doctors appointments where we can’t leave without them telling us that there is no medical chance of beating CC.

It is scary because I have become friends with other young women like myself whose husbands have CC and we are no better than them. They love their husbands just as much as I love mine. Their children need their dads just as much as my kids need Trav.

It is scary because right before we started this journey we lost our friend Pete Adler to a heart attack. In a moment he was gone. He never had the time that we have right now. He didn’t get to say goodbye to his wife and two daughters. He did not have the chance to write letters to his grand babies that he loved beyond words. He was gone in a minute without time to have the faith to save himself. Our family is no better than the Adler family.

So yes, doubt creeps in. I can’t help it. We can’t help it. But as I keep mentioning the ladies. The ladies that I studied John with… They gave me my word. My word that I can cling to. My word that never makes me feel guilty. It’s TRUST! I can Trust that God is going to walk us through this journey no matter where this journey takes us. I can Trust that He loves us and that He wants what is best for us. I can Trust that He will carry me through when I am too tired to walk on my own. I can Trust that He said that in this world there will be struggles (see photos below – those pics are from the week we were waiting to see if Trav had cancer. We are both Googling. Pits in our stomachs. Googling! We had no clue what was about to come) I can Trust that this world is temporary and that He has so much more for us. I can trust that He is a God of miracles. (I am reading 90 minutes in Heaven to Travis which is so good, and it has a modern day miracle in the book. I know they happen.) I can trust that He can heal Travis, or Kyle, or Gordon, or Linh, or Mike(My Cholangio friends Hubbies). He can. I can pray for that and I can trust that my faith in Him is enough. Whatever I have to offer. I trust that it is enough.

I bet that sounds crazy to some, but not to me.

I wrote the verse, “Trust in The Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path”, in my last post. That’s the verse that gets me through.

Outside of prayer that’s all that I can do.

Just Trust!

The days will be hard.

The days will be good.

There will be struggles.

We don’t know where this journey will lead us.

But, now I know that I can have FAITH in what is important and I can TRUST that He will take care of the rest!

Dorien’s blog: http://thisiswhativegotfortoday.blogspot.com
The post that I referenced is called Decisions Decisions

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11 responses to “Faith To Trust

  • sandra

    I am so sorry for what your family is going through. We have recently gone through something similar. My husband, 49yo, battled melanoma for two years and just 6 weeks ago he won that battle and entered into his heavenly home. We also live in Ga and travelled to MDA for treatment. We, too had many people tell us what we should pray and that if we had enough faith, God would heal Greg. At first, I struggled with how I should pray. Then the Lord reminded me that even when I don’t know how or what to pray, He knows my heart. I knew that Greg had already been healed because of what Jesus had done on the cross. My prayer was that the healing would be manifest here on earth…but that was not to be God’s plan. I learned early on that my “faith” was in the fact that He is enough..no matter what. And I continue to cling to that even in these extremely hard times….He is enough. I have been keeping up with your journey and pray that your family will experience the healing of Travis’ body here on earth. Just remember…..He is enough!
    Sandra Masters
    PS….If you’re interested, you can read about our journey at http://www.trustinghisplan.wordpress.com

    • Carrie Roberts

      I started reading your blog. I am so sorry about your husband. He sounded so wonderful and I know you miss him so much. I will follow your journey and I thank you for following mine!!

  • Ang

    Amen Carrie! I have had the same confusion with faith in my own health journey. The truth, I believe, is that he has already given us the faith we need. It is not our works. Jesus paid it all. Trusting and resting in him is the only way! Love you lots!! Ang

  • gwomble

    you beat me to it. All I can say is AMEN SISTER!

  • Mr. Charlie CFA

    No one can ever doubt your faith nor trust. These words are synonomous with how you live. The two of you are very strong- you have been and will continue to be. Each of us struggles in one form or another-yours is more difficult than most. I for one would love to have the faith and trust in Him that you exhibit daily. Prayers is all I can offer and pray I will continue to do daily.

  • Jodi Bradley

    Carrie when I was in bible study with your wise mother leading , she shared some of these truths you just expressed on prayer. Our God is Trustworthy and Soverign !
    Praying for all of you to feel His love and presence and sustain you through this difficult journey.

  • Clark G. Hutchinson

    Carrie, I read the letter from your friend. I think she is dead on. We must be careful not to turn “faith” into “works”. I guess the best definition of “faith” i have ever heard is this: “Faith is believing it is so before it is so in order for it to be so!” It does not mean that we will never have moments of doubt. Remember, that “faith” is not a work, it is an attitude. God is not going to punish because of a weak moment or because we have to be dead on every moment. He loves you with a perfect love, but He does not expect you to be perfect. God bless!

  • Anonymous

    That Word of Faith theology people are pressuring you with is nonsense; you’re right to trust your spiritual instincts! Jesus defeated death & the grave & there is no power on this earth, in heaven, or in hell that can separate you from His love. As you abide in His love, He abides in you & you’re like a tree planted beside water. You give shade & you bear fruit. Fruit that includes peace & joy. And it’s enough to feed yourselves & others, because Jesus multiplies what we give Him & feeds the multitudes. HE does the miracles. We just give Him what we’ve got: the good, the bad, & the ugly.

  • Sandra

    Carrie & Travis,

    Awesome post! Praying for u in Houston! Kevin

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  • steve townley

    Travis and Carrie, my Bible says, faith like a mustard seed can move mountains. it’s not the quantity of faith. Trust flows from faith. as for me, I can’t possibly counsel you on how to get thru what is ya’lls journey at this time…..I just pray for you…each day…earnestly and sincerely…often with tears in my eyes…just like right now. You are a spiritual inspiration to me…you are role models for me in my daily struggles..you are encouragers to me. God is being glorified by you in this path and that is our mission on earth…to give glory to Him. thank you. God Bless you.

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