The past 24 hours have been a blur.  Things have happened so quickly.  It’s been a whirlwind where you can’t catch your breath and you are just left feeling…numb.

The results were not good. The trial does not seem to be working.  It seems all this torture Trav has endured…has been for nothing?!? Can that be so?  Everyone is just feeling…


His CA19-9 came back at 91,000.  More than doubled in just one month.

Why is this disease so aggressive?

The news came in soon after yesterday’s post but they weren’t ready to share.  It was just too much to absorb.  Too much to deal with.  The emotions. The heartache. The numbness.

An emergency trip to MD Anderson was scheduled and they left last night.  Today, they spent the day at MD Anderson.  They took Travis’ blood, did a CT scan, and gave him fluids for a few hours to combat the dehydration.

They will be in Houston for the weekend and doctor appointments to discuss results will be on Monday.  They fly home Tuesday.

He won’t officially be taken off the trial until the results of the CT scan are back and so he has to suffer through one more weekend of this treatment.  Assuming the CT scan confirms what the CA19-9 is showing the trial will end for Travis.

What was the point of it?  It seemed so “meant to be”? It seemed so “purposed”.  But why? The mind starts asking a million questions…”what ifs”…”how comes”…”why is it so”…until you have to force yourself to a place of just being…numb.

Numbness allows you to get through the day.  It’s what gets one foot in front of the other.  It’s what brings the laughter in the oddest times.  You know that kind of laughter.  The kind that makes you wonder “how can I be laughing right now”?  You’re laughing….because your numb.

Numbness is what will help Carrie get through her 37th birthday tomorrow spending it in Houston…because of cancer.  Numbness is what will help Travis and Carrie cope with missing Trey’s first basketball game on Saturday and Trey and Piper’s Christmas concert on Sunday.

I don’t know if it is a good or bad thing but numbness is not foolproof.  It does not last 24/7.  And so…they will likely slip into the emotions throughout this weekend as they miss their children….face their current reality…prepare for the news on Monday.  Tears will likely be shed.  And then numbness will return along with that laughter at the oddest times.

So pray for them.  Pray for the news on Monday.  Pray that it will be clear what they should do and they don’t have to choose between treatments.  Pray for guidance…mercy…for numbness.  And be patient and forgiving.  Because as much as they love the encouragement…love to hear from everyone…love to know that you are thinking of them.  They may be slow to respond.

You may just catch them in a moment of feeling…numb.

14 responses to “Numb

  • Kay Pigg

    I, too, am numb…and don’t know what to say. Except we shall keep praying for Travis and Carrie. We can’t give up. God be with the special couple.

  • Carol Ahlstedt

    Carrie and Travis, please know that I will be praying for you and love you both. Cousin Carol

  • Laurie Sepulveda

    My women’s bible study hears your updates every week and we’re all praying for your family. Happy birthday Carrie. Sending lots of love your way.

  • Anonymous

    We are so, so sorry to hear this disappointing news. We will certainly continue to pray for them and all of the family.

  • John Pettit

    This news is a blow, no question. But the fact remains: The God of the Bible is bigger than than this. I have seen God’s Healing Hand first hand in my Dad and my Father-in-Law as He added decades to each of their lives. All this after receiving death sentences. Both times He chose not to use modern medicine. I still don’t believe this is a death sentence. The worse the diagnosis the greater the miracle.

    Lord Jesus, Please heal Trav. Amen.

  • Myrna Neff

    Oh how my heart aches for you. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. I will keep praying for a miracle. I know God can do it.

  • Connie Hensley

    I wish I had just the right words to encourage you, but words fail me today. Thankfully, my words are not important…God’s Word is where we find Truth, Hope and Peace. That is my continuing prayer for you both!

  • Mike McMahon

    Praying for you Travis

  • Bonnye Woodlief

    Just a reminder, Travis and Carrie, I have not forgotten about you. I continue to pray…and pray…and pray.

  • Joseph Anderson

    His plan was, is, and forever-more will be perfect. We can’t understand,
    but we must trust. Love is eternal

  • Mary Elizabeth and Drew Ellenburg

    The entire Ellenburg family is praying for Travis and Carrie. We serve The Almighty God.
    In times of pain we always say “He is either God or He isn’t.” Praying that He will show you His glory because He is the great I AM.

  • Anonymous

    Sending my love and know that I am still praying daily and wish I could do more to let you know how we are all fighting for you Travis!!

  • shane monahan

    I have been following and want to let you know your family is in my prayers and will be. Fight as hard as you can, give it all you got and beat this. Prayers.

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