The past 24 hours have been a blur. Things have happened so quickly. It’s been a whirlwind where you can’t catch your breath and you are just left feeling…numb.
The results were not good. The trial does not seem to be working. It seems all this torture Trav has endured…has been for nothing?!? Can that be so? Everyone is just feeling…
His CA19-9 came back at 91,000. More than doubled in just one month.
Why is this disease so aggressive?
The news came in soon after yesterday’s post but they weren’t ready to share. It was just too much to absorb. Too much to deal with. The emotions. The heartache. The numbness.
An emergency trip to MD Anderson was scheduled and they left last night. Today, they spent the day at MD Anderson. They took Travis’ blood, did a CT scan, and gave him fluids for a few hours to combat the dehydration.
They will be in Houston for the weekend and doctor appointments to discuss results will be on Monday. They fly home Tuesday.
He won’t officially be taken off the trial until the results of the CT scan are back and so he has to suffer through one more weekend of this treatment. Assuming the CT scan confirms what the CA19-9 is showing the trial will end for Travis.
What was the point of it? It seemed so “meant to be”? It seemed so “purposed”. But why? The mind starts asking a million questions…”what ifs”…”how comes”…”why is it so”…until you have to force yourself to a place of just being…numb.
Numbness allows you to get through the day. It’s what gets one foot in front of the other. It’s what brings the laughter in the oddest times. You know that kind of laughter. The kind that makes you wonder “how can I be laughing right now”? You’re laughing….because your numb.
Numbness is what will help Carrie get through her 37th birthday tomorrow spending it in Houston…because of cancer. Numbness is what will help Travis and Carrie cope with missing Trey’s first basketball game on Saturday and Trey and Piper’s Christmas concert on Sunday.
I don’t know if it is a good or bad thing but numbness is not foolproof. It does not last 24/7. And so…they will likely slip into the emotions throughout this weekend as they miss their children….face their current reality…prepare for the news on Monday. Tears will likely be shed. And then numbness will return along with that laughter at the oddest times.
So pray for them. Pray for the news on Monday. Pray that it will be clear what they should do and they don’t have to choose between treatments. Pray for guidance…mercy…for numbness. And be patient and forgiving. Because as much as they love the encouragement…love to hear from everyone…love to know that you are thinking of them. They may be slow to respond.
You may just catch them in a moment of feeling…numb.